Lift You UP Blog - Always there for You

SNEAK PEEP OF LETTING GO AND MOVING ON, EDITION II

CHAPTER 1 INTRODUCTION

With tears flowing torrentially down my cheeks, I held the tiny lifeless bundle in my hands. I was shaking him frantically and screaming 'Wake up wake up!!!. Of course, he couldn't and his sweet face with eyes closed resembled someone in a deep slumber, oblivious to the world. I screamed at the doctor 'Do something to save my baby' I pleaded and pleaded and soon they took him away. I managed to whisper in his ear:" I will see that you get your justice. “Those were my last words to my lovely and innocent baby who was not given the opportunity to live. At that moment I let them took my baby away from me, in between sobs, I silently bow to my son and vowed to obtain justice for him, my dearest son. Rest In Peace!!!

Unfortunately, my wife who was in her third trimester and was due to give birth any-time started to complain that she was having abdominal pains the day after our eldest son was warded at the same hospital where my wife was having her prenatal check-ups. Immediately she was sent to the delivery ward at the hospital while I remained in my son's room to take care of him.

The ‘state of the art” hospital HARASSED me with internal phone calls demanding that I settle my wife’s petty consultancy fee of Rm15.00 at the counter immediately. I said I would do it as soon as I can find someone to take care of my sick son. However, the hospital was very nasty and adamant that I had to settle it immediately. I was so frustrated as I could not leave my one year who was sick son alone. In desperation, I threw the phone down to the floor. I was very upset and disappointed that I had chosen such a non-compassionate and inhuman hospital!!!!

I was taken aback to see my wife being wheeled back to my son's room. I thought everything was fine until my wife let out a scream that she felt a more acute pain.

She was then wheeled to the emergency ward only after a few heated arguments with the medical staff there. After the routine registration, we had to wait for our turn to see the medical officer. Can’t they see that this is an emergency? My wife was the case due to deliver any time now!!!! My patience was running out to explain repeatedly the severity of the case. Finally, my wife was allowed to see the medical officer in charge. Can you imagine how much time was wasted??

After the medical officer exchanged a few words with my wife, we were asked to go back and see the same midwife who had attended to her just now. She took 3 additional tests claiming that the earlier tests were not accurate. All these tests took almost an hour. What a waste of time !!! Was all these necessary???By this time my blood was boiling as she did not heed my suggestion of contacting my wife's gynecologist after the second test.

I did not know what happened to me then. Why did I allow them to do all these unnecessary tests and consultations? Why didn't I insist then she be sent to the labor room and the gynecologist be called immediately? Why didn’t I see the risks involved? What has happened to my usual rational and cautious self? I am to be blamed for my son being stillborn!!!

Given the circumstances, I literally had to bite my tongue and swallowed my anger after hearing all her ridiculous explanations.

Thank God she finally came to her senses and contacted the gynaecologist. I overheard her mentioned 'heavy flow' ( bleeding heavily). I immediately sensed something was terribly amiss.

After 20 minutes later, the gynaecologist arrived and immediately contacted
the personnel in charge of the operating theater through the phone.

After a short discussion, he slammed down his phone and rushed to the operating theater to deliver my baby. While I was grateful for the efficiency and devotion shown by the gynecologist, I was appalled at the lackluster and slipshod behavior of the other staff. Their attitude and work ethics were entirely different from what I watched on 911 series on television. If they had shown more enthusiasm and caring, my son may be alive today!

I was then accused by the gynaecologist that I failed to appreciate his effort in getting ready the operating theater to carry out the delivery in such a short span of time when I brought his attention to the fact that he could have called the operating theater to be on standby while he was on the way here. In my opinion, he should have the common sense and foresight to know what would be the next course of action after being briefed by the midwife. However, they were adamant not to disclose to me the conversation between them under the pretext of privacy when I wrote to them at a much later stage.

After a long and agonizing wait for the delivery to be over, the gynecologist came out with both good and bad news. I have done my best! he said. Your wife is well but I'm sorry to say that we couldn’t do anything to your baby! He was stillborn - my poor innocent baby. Can you imagine how distraught and devastated I was? I simply could not accept this tragedy after I have seen and witnessed what had happened prior to the delivery.

The gynecologist patiently explained to me numerous times what they had done. To them, they had done everything possible. On the contrary, I could not accept their explanations and actions as I was there, in person, to witness the whole scenario.

Upon my request for a written report, the gynaecologist quickly brushed aside my request. He told me that he was willing to explain to me until I fully understand their version of what had happened. I was adamant that I wanted the written report. His repeated refusals fueled my anger and I then gave him an ultimatum. Either a written report or the medical card. After he saw how furious and my unwillingness to budge he finally agreed to furnish me the report within 7 working days citing manpower shortage.

I was very upset and depressed at this tragic turn of events. I had awaited with much joy at his arrival but now I had to leave the hospital empty handed without my bundle of joy. On top of that, I had to comfort and to lend my shoulders to my equally devastated and grieving wife. You can imagine how much sorrow she was experiencing!. There was nothing we could do but to move on. However, the inhuman hospital staff would not let us grieve in peace. I then received a letter requesting additional deposit instead of the medical report the next day. It really blew my top and I immediately approached the gynecologist and demanded the medical letter. After several heated arguments, he finally agreed to shorten the initially agreed delivery date from 7 days to 3 working days.

When I received the medical report I was shocked to learn that the gynecologist had listed the reason for death as 'placenta eruption'. Why was I not informed then? Why now only made known to me?

I was not satisfied and unwilling to accept this verdict. Subsequently, I began to research this condition and at the same time began my law course. As I delve deeper into researching this rare situation I discovered and realized that it fitted exactly into the sequence of events, prior to the delivery. If this was the case why didn't hospital staff and gynecologist realize the urgency of the case, and hastened the delivery? Why take away an innocent life?

How could they not take immediate action and why was it necessary to carried out 3 tests by the midwife? To this day I still can’t understand the logic behind all this delay until it led to placenta eruption and killed my beloved baby. Where are all the evidence to that effect? I am sure this tragedy could have been avoided as there was only a delay of 10 to 20 minutes in carrying out the operation based on the medical report and the subsequent experts’ opinion report.

But my agonizing and desperate trip to Hell did not end here.

I was flabbergasted when I found out later that my wife's medication was mixed up with that of another patient's. Guess what was their excuse? In an attempt to cover up, they casually informed us that the mix-up was just a trivial matter as it only involved some vitamins. Obviously, this excuse was not acceptable even if it was true. No hospital has a right to give its patients another patient's medication no matter what. I could not accept such practices and decided to pursue the matter legally to ensure that justice and fairness were accorded. I wanted justice for my innocent baby !!!!

The hospital's CEO eventually interfered. All written correspondence was not entertained and he proposed a meeting at a nearby Hotel to resolve my grievances but he stipulated that under no circumstances could there be any recording devices or reporters present. Unfortunately, our meeting was not fruitful.

He then conducted an in-house inquiry without my presence and just furnished me with the findings. Of course, I was not satisfied and demanded an appointment with the Chairman of the inquiry for further clarification and explanation. The Chairman then summoned the CEO to address all my queries. He couldn't give me any acceptable answers so I push on for more clarifications. However this, in turn, agitated him and he lost his cool and threatened to call the police to chase me out of the hospital. I stood my ground and refused to be intimidated. By that time I was ready to take up any challenges. The Chairman interrupted our angry exchanges and agreed to furnish me a written report within 7 days.

Again, I was very disappointed with the written report as it was an insult to my intelligence. I then decided to pursue the matter legally. I then proceeded to approach several international law, firms to see if they were interested to take up my case. However, I was faced with disappointment after disappointment as all of them rejected my case due to conflict of interests. Was there nowhere in this world that I can go to seek justice??

I then try to seek alternative ways in my search for justice. I approached both the ruling and opposition political parties for advice but all in vain.

However, luck was with me when I managed to find a law firm who was willing to take up my case. Finally there was a firm who dared to take up the challenge to fight against a big corporate giant. However, my delight was short-lived. I was told by our counsel that our file was misplaced (lost) and he suggested that we re-file our documents. Based on my experience, I told him that reconstructing the file will be faster than refiling it.

However, the case was always postponed due to various factors. This eventually led me to take up the Law course myself. It also helped broadens my mind and gave me a better understanding of how to structure my strategies to make my case stronger rather than having to seek the expert's opinion.

Meanwhile, as I was embarking on my journey trying to search for answers to my questions, it was then I noticed that some UK judges actually consulted the Bible for solutions to the cases they were judging.

My friends, my advice is: always cultivate and nurture good health; should you need medical treatment, please be vigilant and be selective of the medical establishment that you choose.

More importantly, whenever any tragedy struck you, never let your past experiences impair your future. Your past cannot be altered but your future does not deserve any punishment. Learn to let go and move on with an open mind, a happy soul, and a forgiving heart.

This work also gives due recognition of the role of God in my life and how my belief in Jesus Christ, had transformed me and empowered me to overcome this tragic incident.

I know, it is easier said than done. It took me years before I finally came to senses and came out from my Hell living. Only did I realise that I had wasted so many valuable years of my life.

Prior to this personal transformation, I held on to many guilt, regrets, and fear. The

most significant consequence of these led me to lose my purpose in life and

passion for my profession.

My anger, regrets, and self-worthlessness contribute to my fearful and hopeless life

in the world full of injustice. During that period, I was powerless, emotional,

mentally and spiritually exhausted to fix the situation in a way that would have

worked out for me.

My feelings of emptiness were finally gone and the hole in my heart was filled. At

last, I was very happy for my son that Lord called him back so that he is not tainted

by sin. Now, he is in heaven with Him.

A spark of the moment, my sadness turns into happiness. I became relieved. In a

moment, in the twinkling of an eye, I was healed. I no longer had to wonder about

my stillborn son. My mind is finally at peace and there is nothing missing from

my life. My heart is still rejoicing, my self-esteem is higher than it has ever been,

and my place in this world is crystal clear. Nobody can take away the joy that I

have found. It’s mine and it is permanent.

Today, after many years of Bible study and living as a Christian, I ultimately have

the joy, peace, and fulfillment that were absent from my soul. I seek for this for

years and my efforts were not wasted as He promised:

Prior to this personal transformation, I held on to many guilts, regrets and fear. The most significant consequence of these led me to lose my purpose in life and passion in my profession. 

My anger regrets n self-worthlessness contributed to a fearful, hopeless sorrowful and hopeless life in this world which is full of injustices. During this period of torment, I was powerless, emotionally mentally and spiritually exhausted to adapt to this world.

When I accepted Jesus into my life my feelings of emptiness and sorrow evaporated and the empty hole in my heart was filled. I could feel the sunshine creeping back into my life. At last, I can rejoice for my son who was called back to be with the Father in heaven. Bless you, my son. Praise the Lord.

The Lord Jesus has transformed my life. He has changed my sadness into happiness. I am relieved that I have been healed.  I no longer had to worry about my stillborn son for I know he is rejoicing in Heaven with his Saviour. I have finally found peace n there is nothing missing from my life. My life is more complete than before and my self-esteem is higher. There are meaning and purpose in my life now.  Nobody can take away the joy that I have found.  It is mine and it is permanent。

I am standing here stronger than before for now I have been living my life for His glory. As such I hope and pray that my story will encourage others to find the inner peace they are seeking, to let go of any unpleasant memory n to develop a real and intimidate relationship with the Mighty and Loving God