What makes a happy man?
Daughter on the cover of cosmo.
Son on the cover of sports illustrated.
Mistress on the cover of playboyand ..
Wife on the cover of 'missing persons'
Why was the 2-piece swimsuit invented?
To separate the HAIRY section from the DAIRY section.
Teacher: What do you want to become?
Little Johnny: Doctor !!
Little Johnny: Coz its the only profession where u can tell a woman to takeoff her clothes and ask her husband to pay for it.
Woman complaining to dentist: 'It's so painful, I'll rather have a baby than have a tooth removed.'
Dentist: 'Make up your mind soon, I'll adjust the chair accordingly.'
Old lady, 85, a virgin, about to die. wanted her tombstone to read :BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN.
The engraver shortened it to: ' RETURNED UNOPENED '
OLD MAN AND YOUNG GIRL
75 yr old man got married to a 15 yr girl.
On their first night both were crying - why???
Because she didn't know anything, and he had forgotten everything