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BY JAMES OH

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LETTING GO AND MOVING ON BY JAMES OH

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MINDSET SHIFT: EMPLOYEE TO ENTREPRENEUR

MINDSET SHIFT: EMPLOYEE TO ENTREPRENEUR
BY JAMES OH

Friday, April 2, 2010

EFFECTIVE WAYS TO AVOID ARGUMENT

Hi! everyone,

Argument may sour our relationships. To establish good relationship with others, it is always better to avoid argument. Below are some guidelines you may use to prevent being trapped in such a situation, and it will  also assist you to improve your health.

1. Understand how disagreement arises

It is crucial to have a good understanding as how an argument arises. It happens when two people addressing the same issue with two different perspectives and both are trying to persuade/convince, sometimes aggressively, to get the other to agree on the issue with each other's point of view. Simply put, arguments happen when two people are talking, but both parties are not actually doing any real listening. To avoid argument, treat this disagreement as an opportunity to be corrected before you make a serious mistake. By doing so, you will not resist, defend or debate.

2. Listen First

Give your opponents a chance to talk. Let them finish. Be in their shoes and try to , empathize. Look at things from their point of view. Most arguments erupt from defence rather than malice. This approach is more positive and will help build bridges of understanding, rather than build higher barriers to understanding.

3. Control your temper

Remember, you can measure the size of a person by what makes him angry. Never yell and scream because both  typically do not pop up from thin air. You know what topics make your opponent lose his cool. Stay cool and let your opponents run out of steam.

4. Excuse yourself

Excuse yourself and walk away if the argument is brewing. There is nothing wrong with coming back to talk when both of are calm and not screaming. Leave the room or house to get some air and cool off is also another alternative. Explain your action before you do it, so your opponent won't think you are leaving for good or for dramatic effect.

5. Be Cautious about the words you used

Use words properly. Avoid making accusatory statement. If something needs to be discussed, be mindful of the words we use. Arguments are like iced-over lakes, the wrong amount of pressure in the wrong spot and it's a bad situation. Therefore, it is crucial to speak calmly without any insult or any verbal attack.

6. Distrust your first instinct

Be alert of our first natural reaction in a disagreeable situation which result in defensive stance. Be careful because you may be at your worst, not your best. Look for areas where you can admit error and say so. Apologise for your mistakes and it will help you disarm your opponents. 

7. Don't fight back, but raise questions instead

When someone makes a personal attack on us, we have the option of either reacting emotionally, or responding rationally to that attack or ignoring them. Emotional reaction will always give rise to more conflict because it is instinctive rather than logical. Verbal attacks are painful and usually lead us to be  defensive and to fight back. This, however, serves to increase the veracity of that attack. Unlike statements, questions offer less likely response to strike back because they require introspective thought. Questions may also make the other parties aware, through self-discovery, that their words are hurting you and it will often make them feel sorry or guilty than if you chose to fight back. Examples of a question-based defense are: "Why would you say something that's hurtful to me?" “What seems to be the real issue here?” If you do so, you are indirectly using their attack to lead their attention towards the problem rather than on you. then it is empowering you with a better control of the situation.

Thanks for your time. Hope the above is of assistance to you,

James Oh
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