More jokes

Girl : Do you love me ?
Boy : Yes Dear

Girl : Would you die for me ?
Boy : No, mine is undying love
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1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window
2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions.
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Man : How old is your father ?
Boy : As old as me
Man : How can that be ?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born
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Waiter : I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer : Don't tell me your problems. Give me the menu card.
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Teacher: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
Desmond: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
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Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!
Son : That's why I say she's no good!
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Manager : Sorry, but I can't give you a job. I don't need much help.
Job Applicant: That's all right. In fact, I'm just the right person in this case. You see, I won't be of much help anyway!
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Teacher: "How do you think Shakespeare wrote such masterpieces?"
College student: "With a pencil, maam, either a 2B or not 2B."
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"Mum, teacher was asking me today if I have any brothers or sisters who will be coming to school."
"That's nice of her to take such an interest, dear.What did she say when you told her you are the only child?"
"She just said, 'Thank goodness!'"
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Teacher: "Where were you born?"
Student: "Singapore, Sir."
Teacher: "Which part?"
Student: "All of me, Sir."
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Teacher: "Chong, you missed school last Friday."
Chong : "You're wrong, Sir."
Teacher: "Wrong, how is that?"
Chong : "I was absent, yes but I certainly didn't miss it!"
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A teacher was asking her class:"What is the difference between 'unlawful' and 'illegal'?"
Only one hand shot up.
"Ok, answer, Joan," said the teacher. "'unlawful' is when you do something the law doesn't allow and 'illegal is a sick eagle."
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Doctor : I have some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient : Well, might as well give me the bad news first.
Doctor : The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.
Patient : 24 hours! That's terrible!! What could be worse? What's the very bad news?
Doctor : I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.
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Patient : I'm in a hospital! Why am I in here?
Doctor : You've had an accident involving a train.
Patient : What happened?
Doctor : Well, I've got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?
Patient : Well... The bad news first ...
Doctor : Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate both of them.
Patient : That's terrible! What's the good news?
Doctor: There's a guy in the next ward who made a very good offer on your slippers.
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Patient : How much to have this tooth pulled?
Dentist : -90.00.
Patient : -90.00 for just a few minutes work???
Dentist : I can extract it very slowly if you like.
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Teacher : "How come you do not comb your hair?"
Ah Kow : "No comb, Sir."
Teacher : "Use your dad's then."
Ah Kow : "No hair, Sir."
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A boy came home from school with his exam results.
"What did you get?" asked his father.
"My marks are under water," said the boy.
"What do you mean 'under water'?" "They are all below 'C' level