EFFECTIVE WAYS TO AVOID ARGUMENT

Hi! everyone,

Argument may sour our relationships. To establish good relationship with others, it is always better to avoid argument. Below are some guidelines you may use to prevent being trapped in such a situation, and it will  also assist you to improve your health.

1. Understand how disagreement arises

It is crucial to have a good understanding as how an argument arises. It happens when two people addressing the same issue with two different perspectives and both are trying to persuade/convince, sometimes aggressively, to get the other to agree on the issue with each other's point of view. Simply put, arguments happen when two people are talking, but both parties are not actually doing any real listening. To avoid argument, treat this disagreement as an opportunity to be corrected before you make a serious mistake. By doing so, you will not resist, defend or debate.

2. Listen First

Give your opponents a chance to talk. Let them finish. Be in their shoes and try to , empathize. Look at things from their point of view. Most arguments erupt from defence rather than malice. This approach is more positive and will help build bridges of understanding, rather than build higher barriers to understanding.

3. Control your temper

Remember, you can measure the size of a person by what makes him angry. Never yell and scream because both  typically do not pop up from thin air. You know what topics make your opponent lose his cool. Stay cool and let your opponents run out of steam.

4. Excuse yourself

Excuse yourself and walk away if the argument is brewing. There is nothing wrong with coming back to talk when both of are calm and not screaming. Leave the room or house to get some air and cool off is also another alternative. Explain your action before you do it, so your opponent won't think you are leaving for good or for dramatic effect.

5. Be Cautious about the words you used

Use words properly. Avoid making accusatory statement. If something needs to be discussed, be mindful of the words we use. Arguments are like iced-over lakes, the wrong amount of pressure in the wrong spot and it's a bad situation. Therefore, it is crucial to speak calmly without any insult or any verbal attack.

6. Distrust your first instinct

Be alert of our first natural reaction in a disagreeable situation which result in defensive stance. Be careful because you may be at your worst, not your best. Look for areas where you can admit error and say so. Apologise for your mistakes and it will help you disarm your opponents. 

7. Don't fight back, but raise questions instead

When someone makes a personal attack on us, we have the option of either reacting emotionally, or responding rationally to that attack or ignoring them. Emotional reaction will always give rise to more conflict because it is instinctive rather than logical. Verbal attacks are painful and usually lead us to be  defensive and to fight back. This, however, serves to increase the veracity of that attack. Unlike statements, questions offer less likely response to strike back because they require introspective thought. Questions may also make the other parties aware, through self-discovery, that their words are hurting you and it will often make them feel sorry or guilty than if you chose to fight back. Examples of a question-based defense are: "Why would you say something that's hurtful to me?" “What seems to be the real issue here?” If you do so, you are indirectly using their attack to lead their attention towards the problem rather than on you. then it is empowering you with a better control of the situation.

Thanks for your time. Hope the above is of assistance to you,

James Oh

ANT AND THE GRASSHOPPER

Dear loving readers and visitors,

It is time for us to revisit the ANT AND THE GRASSHOPPER story. This one is a little different.... Two Different Versions.... Two Different Morals  OLD VERSION  The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.  The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away..  Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold. MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself!   MODERN VERSION  The ant works hard in the withering heat and the rain all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while he is cold and starving.  Channels 7, 9 and 10,the ABC and SBS show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.  Australia is stunned by the sharp contrast.  How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?  Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper and everybody cries when they sing, 'It's Not Easy Being Green.'  Acorn stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house where the news stations film the group singing, 'We shall overcome.' Cardinal George Pell then has the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper's  sake.  Prime Minister Rudd condemns the ant and blames John Howard, Robert Menzies, Capt James Cook, and the Pope for the grasshopper's plight. Bob Brown exclaims in an interview on Today Tonight that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share. Finally, Labor in conjunction with the Greens draft the Economic Equity & amp; Anti-Grasshopper Act retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the Government and given to the grasshopper.  The story ends as we see the grasshopper and his free-loading friends finishing up the last bits of the ant’s food while the government house he is in, which, as you recall, just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around them because the grasshopper doesn't maintain it. The ant has disappeared in the snow, never to be seen again. The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident, and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the ramshackle, once prosperous and once peaceful, neighborhood. Give it a serious thought. James

HOW TO DEVELOP POSITIVE ATTITUDE

Dear readers,

To achieve success, you need to master your attitude. It is fundamental to your success. You are what you think. So, your mindset is very closely related to your attitude. Your mindset will determine the type of attitude you desire. No doubts having the right attitude does not guarantee you success, but it can empower you to do so otherwise you would not do it.

Append below please find the roadmap to develop positive attitude.

1. Take responsibility

No doubts, circumstances or personal upbringing may have significant impact on an individual's attitude, if left unchecked. However, we must be aware that attitude does not come from outside ourselves. It comes from within. So, if you are affected by the external factors, it means that you gave implied consent to them, that caused  you to be out of control. 

At the end, you still have to take personal responsibility for it.  By now, you should be able to see clearly that this is the very first step to take in order to develop positive attitude. You need to make a committed decision to take responsibility and shape your attitude.

2. Assess your present situation

Before you take a step towards building your positive attitude, you need to have a quick review of your present situation. To evaluate and ascertain where you begin with, is an appropriate step so that you can constantly review and monitor your progress. 

To be effective, you have to assess your attitude objectively. This task may be difficult, especially if you are not aware who you are; where you are heading to; and what is your goal. By doing so, you are able to ascertain your progress with certainty. Through this, you know your required real change and make rectification / modification if this is not what you want.

3. Fan your desire to change

Without real change, there is no improvement. Ironically most people want improvement and at the same time continues to resist change. Change is unavoidable. To take a ride on the changes, you need to be constantly adaptable to changes and move forward. Do not hold on to grudges as they will hold back the changes, which you would otherwise feel much easier to adapt to. Bear in mind that life is in a flux and impermanent. So, you need to think in this manner and maintain this sort of desire to move freely along this wave of change. The crucial question we need to ask ourselves is that "Are we trying to go along the wave or acting against the wave."

4. Change your thoughts

Remember that our action begin from our thought. To develop positive attitude, you need to constantly feed your mind and heart with the right stuff so that you have the right perspective. By convincing and convicting your mind and heart, you are able to develop your positive attitude. I believe that through the positive attitude, one can only reach his own individual potential to the maximum.

5. Make it a habit

Once you have committed to develop such a positive attitude, you need to shift your thinking to think in that manner and act consistently to your thoughts. By doing repeatedly, you are able to affirm and reaffirm your belief. Ultimately you will naturally behave in this manner till it becomes part of you. Both thinking and habit are well connected because your action will be greatly influenced by the way you think. I believe that your belief system will navigate your decision; thinking and action. All these are well integrated and inter dependent on each other. Bear in mind that repetition is the key to mastery. Repeated action will make it be part of you as it will become your behavior. 

6. Manage your attitude daily

Making a decision does not guarantee you success, you need to manage your decision daily so that it does not divert from your ultimate goals. In fact, managing your decision is much more important than decision making. Decision is one off transaction, whereas managing the decision is a daily affair. You need to feed your mind with the appropriate stuff, which can strengthen your mind set and faith. At the same time, you need to constantly and persistently review to ensure that it is in accordance to your goal. You may need to rectify your action should there be any diversion.

Thanks for your precious time and wish you  success.

James Oh